I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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