sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Randomize
