this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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