Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
