FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
