idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
