i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
