let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I cut my penus on the lid.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
