I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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