I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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