The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
