I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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