so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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