A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
