Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
