What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
