hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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