I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
