just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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