literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
