If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just found a bag of teeth...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
