So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she smelled like a LAN party
Life is so much better after having sex.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize