Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
