I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize