rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
