How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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