My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
