Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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