I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
