my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
