Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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