While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
