she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
