can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
