i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
