Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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