Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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