I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize