Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
