so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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