I just saw a hot homeless man
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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