If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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