Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
