I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize