I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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