Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
someone threw a dead crab at me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
