so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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