Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
