Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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