I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
