her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
