Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
there is glitter all over my balls
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
