I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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