Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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