Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
