I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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