Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
