so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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