Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
