i need an iv and a liver transplant
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
