are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
