Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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