That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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