Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
two words...techno handjob
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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