We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
