end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
