I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
