hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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