Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
