I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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