We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
