You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
