I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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